Sighting

Dear Lily,

This is Thomas.  As time’s arrow keeps moving forward, I cannot help but keep glancing back.  15 years ago I met you as an intern at Anime Expo.  I wish I had the ability to then to take you hand and say, “I am able to go where you can go.”  I had much less confidence in my can do attitude and masculinity then.  I didn’t want to be the weight to hold you down from dreams you told working for company you always wanted to.  In that short period you told me a lot of things you wanted like having a Kawasaki Ninja and kids (surprisingly a large amount of them).  I soaked in as much as I could of what you shared in your pink and white lolita dress.  However the thing I remember most is your cross pendent.  I remembered that as a key to possibly finding you.

I wish I could go back and adjust what happened, but the clock moves ever forward.  I decided then I wanted to improve and move myself forward reasoning if I could, I could have another chance at someone I connected with.  This was something I never had a chance at having before.  I wish I could say I screwed myself up instead of the truth being that I was damaged from a terrible childhood full awful things.  You showed me that happiness was possible and the way home to a better life was possible.  It might not be the happiest life, but it’s a life worth looking for.

In these 15 years, a lot of hardships have happened and may be too long of a story for you to hear, yet in the last five years I’m finally been able to make strides in my life to progress to a better happiness.  I got an associate’s degree during and after COVID,  I’m working toward better and will keep working towards it.

I can only hope we both end up living happy and wonderful lives in the end.  I may not be able to see what may have been, but at least you gave me a change in attitude to see some light.

Thank you.

Solitude